Blog · Birth planning
Birth Preferences: Planning Your Ideal Birth Experience
A birth plan sounds like a list of rules for the day. A birth preferences document is something better: a short, clear summary of what matters to you, so the people caring for you can understand you quickly, even if they've only just met you.
It won't control what happens in labour. What it does do is help you get clear on your values before the day, and make sure your voice is in the room when things move fast.
Start with what matters most
Before you write anything, sit down with your partner and talk through how you want to feel. Safe? Calm? Informed? In control? Those feelings shape every other choice. Then think about the specifics.
What to include
Keep it to one page, with headings and dot points. Things people often include:
- Who you'd like in the room
- Pain relief preferences, including what you'd like offered and what you'd rather not be offered
- Movement, positions and use of water
- Lighting, music and the feel of the room
- Monitoring preferences, where there's a choice
- Pushing and birth positions
- Cord clamping, skin to skin and who announces the sex, if that matters to you
- Feeding plans
- Your preferences if a caesarean becomes necessary, such as skin to skin in theatre
Plan for the different ways birth can go
The most useful birth preferences include a section on "if things change". If you need an induction, an epidural, an assisted birth or a caesarean, what would still matter to you? This is where a lot of the real comfort sits, because you've already thought about it calmly.
Ask better questions on the day
When something comes up in labour, a simple framework can help you think it through. Many doulas use the word BRAIN:
- Benefits: what are the benefits of this?
- Risks: what are the risks?
- Alternatives: what else could we do?
- Intuition: what is my gut telling me?
- Nothing: what happens if we wait or do nothing for now?
In an emergency there may not be time for this, and that's ok. Most of the time, though, there is space to ask.
Share it early
Bring your preferences to an antenatal appointment and ask your midwife or doctor to look over them. They'll tell you what's standard at your hospital and what might need a conversation. Pack a few copies in your hospital bag.
Hold it lightly
Your preferences are a guide, not a promise. Birth doesn't always follow the plan, and a change in direction is never a failure. Feeling informed and respected matters far more than ticking every box.
Writing birth preferences is one of my favourite parts of preparing with families. If you'd like help with yours, let's chat.
This article is general information only and isn't medical advice. Always talk to your midwife, GP or obstetrician about your own situation.
